Life is complicated

Yesterday's "A Clean Slate" episode reminded me of some other things in mind the past few weeks. The character of Mr. Frisby says something about things not going the way we think they will in life. I figure my grandmother had no intention of having a kid before marriage, to someone she a few weeks ago said just kept hanging around and not giving up on her until she agreed to marry him. I figure a lot of things in life don't work along the official storylines of How Things Are Supposed To Go.

Eva Dahlgren's beautiful "Vem Tänder Stjärnorna" love song says something about saying words you never thought you would likewise, of love changing things so much. At least two sides of the same thing. Doing what you don't expect to because you love someone that much, and ending up in situations that don't work for you, without love.

Also that someone would not have been entirely too keen to marry someone even after getting pregnant. It's not what people expect or think about the past. This especially in light of my grandmother also noting that when someone else had a kid by her husband, your grandfather, that woman moved to another country for feeling she could not show her face around town anymore. Or that loving the same man would have landed a third woman in a mental institute for a short while, things being unstable to no end.

Life. I've been listening to a lot of Julie London and Ella Fitzgerald as of late, love being a big theme in both their songs, of course. "I'm Always True to You Darling in My Fashion" from London happens to be currently on, adding to the above. My grandfather wasn't true per se, but through other reminders and my grandmother's attitude to it, I can't really say anything particularly against his cheating on her either. His not divorcing her, and abusing her otherwise, yes, but not running around town if she didn't care.

Things don't always go the way they're supposed to? When I looked into Leonard Rossiter a couple of years ago I read something about his having had a long term mistress, in secret from what I recall. Others left their wife to marry a younger mistress, yet more others had mistresses that their wives knew about all along. Not exactly polyamory, that not always going as you'd expect either. Life is complicated, circumstances are mixed. Is it better to know and suffer through knowledge, or not know and eventually suffer when finding out? God, life is complicated.

Why are people so willing to ignore it ending in tears or all the hurt it'll cause when it comes to the prospect of love? You know it'll be pain, sooner or later, and yet you want to go for it like nothing else. You keep ignoring the pain later in favour of whatever you can get now. Or keep believing the pain won't last forever and love, anyway. The one thing you do that in exchange for and want.

Not enough love, too much love, nothing ever going as you expect. All so complicated. What are you supposed to say to that?